September 4


Why Low Self-Esteem Guys Keep Swiping Right on Me: The Surprising Answer

By Joshua Turner

September 4, 2023

Have you ever found yourself attracting guys with low self-esteem? Perhaps you’ve noticed a pattern in your dating history and wondered why this keeps happening. It’s a common experience for many women, and there are various reasons why it might be happening to you.

Understanding self-esteem is key to unraveling this mystery. When we have low self-esteem, we often seek validation and approval from others to feel better about ourselves. It can manifest in our relationships, where we may be drawn to partners who need us to boost our self-esteem. This can lead to a cycle where we feel needed and valued but unfulfilled.

Understanding Self-Esteem

Self-esteem refers to the value and worth you place on yourself. It is the opinion you have of yourself and your abilities. When you have high self-esteem, you believe in yourself and your abilities. Conversely, you doubt yourself and your abilities when you have low self-esteem.

Self-esteem is closely related to self-confidence and self-worth. Self-confidence refers to the belief in your abilities, while self-worth refers to the belief in your inherent value. People with low self-esteem often seek external validation to feel good about themselves, which can lead to insecurity.

Insecurity is a common trait among people with low self-esteem. Insecurity can manifest in different ways, such as feeling inadequate or inferior to others. People with low self-esteem may also struggle with self-love and self-acceptance.

It’s important to note that low self-esteem doesn’t mean something is wrong with you. It’s a common issue that affects many people. Understanding the root causes of low self-esteem can help you work towards improving it and attracting healthier relationships.

The Impact of Relationships

Attracting Men

One of the reasons you may attract men with low self-esteem is that they may see you as someone who can boost their confidence and self-worth. They may feel drawn to your positive energy and seek validation from you. However, it’s important to recognize that this dynamic can be unhealthy and may lead to codependency.

Setting Boundaries

It’s essential to set boundaries in any relationship, especially when dealing with men who have low self-esteem. Be clear about your expectations and communicate your needs effectively. Don’t compromise your values or beliefs to please someone else. Remember that you deserve to be in a healthy and fulfilling relationship.


Men with low self-esteem may resort to manipulation tactics to control the relationship. They may use guilt-tripping, gaslighting, or other forms of emotional abuse to keep you in the relationship. It’s important to recognize these signs and seek help if necessary. Don’t stay in a toxic relationship out of fear or guilt.

Relationships with men who have low self-esteem can have a significant impact on your well-being. Understanding the dynamics of these relationships and setting healthy boundaries can help avoid falling into a codependent or manipulative pattern.

Role of Social Media

Social media can also contribute to attracting partners with low self-esteem. Platforms like Instagram and Facebook often promote a culture of external validation, where people must showcase their lives and receive likes and comments to feel validated. It can lead to an unhealthy focus on appearance and material possessions, which can attract partners who also prioritize these things over deeper values.


Social media can exacerbate feelings of insecurity and inadequacy. Constantly comparing oneself to others’ highlight reels can create a sense of not measuring up, leading to seeking validation from others who feel insecure. It can create a cycle of seeking external validation to attract partners who struggle with self-esteem.

It’s important to recognize social media’s role in our lives and take steps to mitigate its negative effects. It could include limiting social media use, unfollowing accounts that promote unrealistic standards, and focusing on building self-esteem from within rather than seeking external validation.

Dealing with Trauma and Abuse

It’s not uncommon for those who attract partners with low self-esteem to have experienced trauma or abuse in their own lives. It can leave a person feeling vulnerable and may make them more likely to attract partners who need care.

If you have experienced trauma or abuse, seeking help from a mental health professional is essential. They can help you work through your experiences and develop healthy coping mechanisms. It can help you break the cycle of attracting partners with low self-esteem.

It’s also important to set boundaries in your relationships. It can be challenging for those who have experienced trauma or abuse, but protecting yourself and your mental health is necessary. You deserve to be treated with respect and kindness, and it’s important to communicate this to your partner.

Healing from trauma and abuse takes time and effort. Be patient with yourself and seek support from loved ones and professionals. You deserve to have healthy, fulfilling relationships.

Importance of Self-Care

Self-care is essential for maintaining a healthy relationship with oneself and others. It involves caring for one’s physical, emotional, and mental well-being. When we neglect self-care, we can become vulnerable to attracting partners with low self-esteem.

Asking for help is a critical component of self-care. It is okay to seek support from friends, family, or a therapist. By asking for help, we can learn to set healthy boundaries and develop a positive sense of self-worth.

Fear of failure can also impact our ability to practice self-care. We may believe we do not deserve love and attention, leading us to attract partners who reinforce these negative beliefs. Acknowledging and addressing our fear of failure, we can learn to value ourselves and attract partners who do the same.

Mental health issues can also impact our ability to practice self-care. Depression, anxiety, and other mental health challenges can make it difficult to prioritize our well-being. Seeking professional help and engaging in self-care activities can improve our mental health and help us attract partners who value and respect us.

Self-care is critical for attracting healthy relationships. Asking for help, addressing our fear of failure, and prioritizing our mental health can develop a positive sense of self-worth and attract partners who share these values.

Facing Social Anxiety

Social anxiety can be a significant factor in attracting partners with low self-esteem. Those who suffer from social anxiety often struggle with feelings of inadequacy and fear of rejection, making it difficult to form healthy relationships with confident individuals.


Fear of failure can also contribute to social anxiety, leading individuals to avoid social situations altogether or engage in self-destructive behaviors. This fear can manifest in various ways, from avoiding public speaking to avoiding romantic relationships.

An external locus of control can play a role in attracting partners with low self-esteem. Those with an external locus of control tend to believe that their lives are controlled by external factors, such as luck or fate, rather than their own actions. It can lead to a lack of agency and self-confidence, making attracting partners who share these traits easier.

Despite these challenges, overcoming social anxiety and attracting partners with healthy self-esteem is possible. Seeking therapy or counseling can be an effective way to address these issues and develop healthier coping mechanisms. Additionally, practicing self-care and building self-confidence can help individuals attract partners who share these same traits.

Embracing Vulnerability

Embracing vulnerability is a key aspect of building healthy relationships. It can be scary to open up and share our true selves with others, but it’s essential to attracting confident and secure partners. When we embrace vulnerability, we show others that we are willing to be authentic, which can be very attractive.

One of the biggest fears that people with low self-esteem have is the fear of failure. They may be afraid to take risks or try new things because they don’t want to fail. Embracing vulnerability can be willing to take risks and learn from our mistakes. It can be a powerful way to attract partners willing to take risks and grow with us.

Asking for help is another important aspect of embracing vulnerability. When we ask for help, we show that we are willing to admit that we don’t have all the answers and are open to learning from others. It can be very attractive to partners open to learning and growing.

Finally, self-love is a crucial component of embracing vulnerability. When we love and accept ourselves, we are more likely to attract partners who also love and accept us. Caring for ourselves and our needs, we show that we are confident and secure in ourselves, which can be very attractive to others.

Embracing vulnerability is an essential part of attracting confident and secure partners. By being authentic, taking risks, asking for help, and practicing self-love, we can create healthy and fulfilling relationships with partners committed to growth and self-improvement.


In conclusion, it’s important to recognize that attracting partners with low self-esteem is a complex issue that can stem from various factors. While it’s natural to want to help and support those around us, it’s crucial to prioritize our well-being and avoid falling into a pattern of codependency.

One potential reason for this pattern could be our lack of confidence or self-confidence, leading us to seek validation and acceptance from partners who may be unable to provide it. Building our self-esteem and self-love is essential, so we are less likely to seek it from others.

Another factor could be a lack of boundaries or self-care, leading us to prioritize our partner’s needs over our own. It’s important to set boundaries and prioritize our well-being, so we can attract partners who are emotionally healthy and supportive.

Attracting partners with low self-esteem is a complex issue requiring self-reflection, self-love, and self-care. Prioritizing our well-being and building our confidence and self-esteem, we can attract partners who are emotionally healthy and supportive.

Frequently Asked Questions

What are some common characteristics of men with low self-esteem?

Men with low self-esteem may exhibit behaviors such as seeking constant validation, being overly critical of themselves, and having a negative self-image. They may also struggle with assertiveness and tend to avoid confrontation.

How do men with low self-esteem typically act in relationships?

Men with low self-esteem may be overly dependent on their partners for validation and support. They may also be more likely to compromise their needs and desires to please their partner. In some cases, they may even become jealous or possessive.

What are some signs that a man thinks he’s not good enough?

Some signs that a man thinks he’s not good enough may include negative self-talk, avoiding challenges or new experiences, and seeking constant reassurance from others. He may also be more likely to engage in self-destructive behaviors such as substance abuse or risky sexual behavior.

Why is it challenging to date someone with low self-esteem?

Dating someone with low self-esteem can be challenging because they may require a lot of emotional support and validation from their partner. This can be emotionally draining and may lead to feelings of resentment or frustration. Additionally, men with low self-esteem may struggle with trust and intimacy, which can make it difficult to build healthy, long-lasting relationships.

Do men with low self-esteem tend to pick on their partners?

Men with low self-esteem may sometimes engage in negative behaviors, such as picking on their partners to feel better about themselves. This can include criticizing their partner’s appearance or belittling their accomplishments. However, it’s important to note that not all men with low self-esteem engage in these behaviors.

Can people with low self-esteem be prone to flirting?

Yes, people with low self-esteem may be more likely to engage in flirting behaviors to boost their self-confidence. However, it’s important to distinguish between harmless flirting and behavior that is manipulative or disrespectful to others.

You might also like